Cape Coral - FL - Last year, 15-year-old Cape Coral student Jeff Johnston couldn’t take it anymore, and he took his own life.
Six years ago, 23-year-old Curtis Beane turned to a bad crowd and died of a drug-overdose.
All three stories share the same tragic conclusion. All share the same, increasingly common beginning: bullying.
It’s because of Curtis that his father, Allan Beane, works so hard to prevent bullying in schools. For the elder Beane, preventing the violence isn’t an option; it’s an imperative.
Beane spoke to students at North Naples Middle School on Thursday morning about the dangers of bullying. He spoke to a much smaller group of their parents Tuesday night.
“This is an international problem that we now have in our schools,” Beane said. “Not only are we facing it in our schools, but also in our homes and societies.”
Curtis Beane was picked on in elementary and middle school for having big ears. In high school, he was picked on because his hand was deformed in a car crash.
Allan Beane had answers for his son. Unfortunately, they were all the wrong ones.
“I told my son to ignore them,” Beane said. “Then, I told him to fight back. It was pretty stupid.”
Beane and his son’s teachers “failed my son, because we didn’t know how to talk to him.”
When Curtis Beane was 23, he finally found a group that would accept him — as long as he did drugs. Eventually, it was an overdose on crystal meth and an unknown heart condition that caused his death.
“I told your kids, ‘Drugs killed my son, but he was dead on the inside already, because of the way people treated him.’” Beane told parents. “He’s the reason for my passion.”
Beane, who has a doctorate in special education, has written several books on bullying, including the best-seller, “A Bully-Free Classroom.” He came to North Naples to give parents pointers on how to recognize when a child is being bullied, how to prevent bullying and how to stop it.
Certain characteristics can clue parents in on whether their children are being bullied, including a change in school attendance/performance, a loss of interest in a favored activity, unexplained injuries and quickness to anger or withdrawal.
Beane gave a list of ideas on how to stop bullying once it has started, including:
-- Keep a log of when bullying is occurring and where;
-- Ask the child to write down what is happening and how he/she feels about it;
-- Get the child involved in activities in and out of school where he/she can make friends;
-- Stay in regular contact with teachers and administrators at the child’s school; and
-- Have a trusted adult there monitor the situation.
Beane said children being bullied aren’t always the only victims. Many bullies who display violent tendencies learned their behavior at home, either by witnessing abuse or being a victim of it themselves.
“A large percentage of bullies are victims,” he said. “That’s why they need our help too.”
Joanne and John Lepore, parents of a sixth-grader at NNMS, said their daughter is experiencing problems with bullying for the first time. They were appalled with the light turnout — about 25 parents — at Tuesday night’s seminar.
“I think having a presentation like this, explaining that (bullying) is not acceptable, opened a dialogue with our daughter,” Joanne Lepore said. “This is a great tool for us, but it’s just the beginning,” John Lepore added.
Collier County School Board member Steve Donovan attended Tuesday’s seminar. As a parent, he said, he benefited greatly from Beane’s presentation.
“As a parent of two children, even I don’t know everything,” Donovan said.
Beane “empowers a child to deal with bullying. He doesn’t just give feel-good answers.”
Although only students at NNMS heard Beane’s morning presentation, Eric Williams, Collier’s assistant superintendent of secondary schools, said teachers throughout the district had an opportunity to work with Beane during the summer.
“All schools do a variety of things to prevent problems” with bullying, Williams said. “The administrators from other schools are looking at possibilities of other things to do. They’re always looking for new opportunities.”
For his part, Beane said he will not rest until children are safe from the bully epidemic. He will return to NNMS for a followup next year.
“My son loved me too much. He didn’t tell me this was happening because didn’t want me to worry about him,” Beane said. “That’s why I told your kids today, ‘Don’t hide things from people who love you. That’s their job to worry about you.’”
© 2006 Naples Daily News and NDN Productions. Published in Naples, Florida, USA by the E.W. Scripps Co.